あの世で待ってるぜ

cuckoo by gretchen felker-martin (tumblr x-post)

2026-06-13T19:37:23Z

Originally both pieces of text below these cuts were posted on Tumblr, when I was nearly-finished with Felker-Martin's Cuckoo, and when I finally finished it. I just want to preserve them both here.

Spoilers!

6/2/26
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6/7/26
( Read more... )

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cielsosinfel @ 2026-06-12T23:31:00

2026-06-13T06:53:37Z

(cw for graphic discussion of racism in all of these articles)

I was perusing some articles on Public Medievalist, which hasn't had any new articles in a few years...? Anyway, there was this article in their "Race, Racism, and the Middle Ages" series:

Improving Dungeons and Dragons: Racism and the “Barbarian” by Paul B. Sturtevant. It goes over the history of the "barbarian" class and how much anti-Indigenous and anti-Black racism is baked into it throughout all its DND iterations up to 5e, as well as in the conceptualization of various "monster races" (like orcs). It links to a LOT of other reading material throughout, including:

Orcs, Britons, and the Martial Race Myth, Part I: A Species Built for Racial Terror
&
Orcs, Britons, and the Martial Race Myth, Part II: They're Not Human

A pair of essays by James Mendez Hodes (a TTRPG writer/designer and a cultural consultant for other game developers) on the history of the orc (and half-orc) from Tolkien's anti-Asian caricatures to DND's racist stereotype mish-mash and beyond, with a focus on DND- a deep dive into the creation of a stock fantasy creature and its origins in "scientific racism" and "martial race theory," and the author's personal relationship to DND and the idea of orcs as a Filipino-American. They're very thoughtfully written and weighty, with a plethora of links to further reading as well.

And then on Tumblr, by happenstance, I came across a post sharing this article:

Orc is Man to Orc published on a newsletter called Heat Death. The article is ALSO an overview of the history of the construction of orcs as a stock fantasy fiction villain (of the most disposable type) and its roots in Tolkien's racist stereotypes of Asian people and the heaping of anti-Indigenous and anti-Black stereotypes on future orc concepts from other authors and artists- and also how the orcs of Tolkien's work have changed across adaptations.

I haven't read Hobbit since I was in like third grade, I haven't watched the LOTR trilogy since it was first in theaters, and I haven't touched a single bit of any JRR Tolkien stuff since then... so the very last article addresses a lot of things I'm unfamiliar with, but was still interesting enough a read.

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cielsosinfel @ 2026-04-11T01:44:00

2026-04-11T08:49:31Z

While leaving a noise show, friend and I were joking about how tomorrow is a cryptid, I made a bad joke about the day after tomorrow being the most cryptid of all cryptids, then I said, "I wish we still used overmorrow!!!"

And my friend had no idea! There is an entire single word to describe the day after tomorrow! Overmorrow! And its counterpart for the day after yesterday- ereyesterday.

I remember when I was learning Japanese and our class got to the words 一昨日 (the day before yesterday) and 明後日 (the day after tomorrow) and all I could think for soooo long after was, "gee, why doesn't English have words this useful???" And we did! Still do technically? Maybe they're even still regularly spoken in certain dialects idk?

I want these to be revitalized sooooo bad... ugh

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cielsosinfel @ 2026-04-06T00:52:00

2026-04-06T07:56:54Z

Slowly (very slowly) getting through more The Traitor Baru Cormorant by Seth Dickinson.

Spoilers for about midway through the novel:

( Read more... )

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cielsosinfel @ 2026-04-05T23:55:00

2026-04-06T07:07:31Z

various links to various things i've read or watched in the last month:

Important resource: The DIY HRT Directory 2.0 (with information for both people using predominantly estradiol HRT or predominantly testosterone HRT)

Mechsploitation: I Sexually Identify As A Giant Robot, or The Redemption Of Isabel Fall, a critical look at the mechsploitation genre of erotic sci-fi and its relationship to Isabel Fall's I Identify as an Attack Helicopter, by Ela Bambust on her Patreon (free to read)

Localization Lore: Women's History Month 2026, on Elizabeth Bushouse's Explorations in Translation blog- an overview of brief profiles on various women in video game Japanese-English localization history

How To Write Queer Korean Lit: A Manual, article by acclaimed Korean-English translation Anton Hur for Litro Magazine; also a dive in Korean prose translation/localization history

Reclaiming the Banjo's Hidden Black History, a ~16 minute In The Making documentary from PBS, focusing on musician and banjo luthier Hannah Mayree's efforts to educate on the history of the banjo as an intrinsically Black American instrument and musical legacy (also her music itself is amazing, check out her Bandcamp here

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there's a theme here, but it's not exactly cannibalism

2026-04-05T05:51:52Z

Some more itch.io games! I'm copying posts from Tumblr:

From 3/29:

Finished another itchio IF/VN backlog game: The Devil's Imago by haraiva

( more about devil's imago )

From 4/4:

finished SYRUP AND THE ULTIMATE SWEET BY NOMNOMNAMI

( more about syrup )

I also played a lot of the demo for the game Mushroom Musume by Mortally Moonstruck Games- while the full game has significantly more features + story, the demo itself feels pretty meaty and sprawling. Unfortunately I hit a game-breaking error and have no idea how to proceed beyond it...

( more about mushrooms )

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interactive fiction rec: saltwrack

2026-03-26T20:13:57Z

finished playing SALTWRACK, an Interactive Fiction game made for the NarraScope 2026 Showcase; met with a horrible fate.

really recommend this. it is a 100% text-based game with a choice-influenced storyline. you are leading a three-person expedition into a little-explored, hostile environment known as the "saltwrack," an area whose sudden growth preceded an apocalyptic event 200+ years in the past. choices made over the course of the game influence speed with which your rations are depleted, how many miles you travel, the state of the machine you are traveling on, the health and trust of your crew. the writing is very lovely in capturing a sparse, overwhelming landscape full of strange, indescribable creatures and landscapes. interesting world-building we only get brief bits and pieces of. the last chunk of the game builds up the horrible dread and existential horror very well. would recommend if you are into arctic exploration narratives.

hit for me in a similar way to hiron ennes' leech, which i was obsessed with a few years ago.

edit 3/27:

some words I learned from the game:

Silicaceous (adj): of, containing, or containing silica, or a silicate

Deliquesce (verb): to melt away/liquify and disappear; become a liquid by absorbing water from the atmosphere and dissolving; to liquify and melt away in the process of growth or decomposition (esp. fungi);

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cielsosinfel @ 2026-03-22T01:22:00

2026-03-22T08:32:52Z

Wow, it's been almost a month since I checked this site! I haven't even followed my Reading page...

I'm super exhausted! Been dealing with housing, going to a lot of shows (I went to one Saturday morning and another Saturday night... after going to a show on Friday, and Thursday, and Tuesday, and Sunday, and the previous Saturday and Friday and Thursday.....), spending time with friends, organizing a social event that involved a lot of art-making and flyer distribution over the last several weeks... I'm excited for that though because we generated a ton of buzz for it just through two of us doing word of mouth, basically! Not online at all, woohoo.

here are some books I've read recently, no thoughts shared cus I am way too tired to write them out:

-Fearless, Sleepless, Deathless: What Fungi Taught Me about Nourishment, Poison, Ecology, Hidden Histories, Zombies, and Black Survival by Maria Pinto
-The Oak and the Larch: A Forest History of Russia and Its Empires by Sophie Pinkham
-The Immortal Choir Holds Every Voice by Margaret Killjoy
-Raymond M. Douglas' On Being Raped
-Working Guys: A Transmasculine Sex Worker Anthology ed. Jack V. Parker

Here are some non-book articles I've read on the online recently, as well:

-"Mechsploitation: I Sexually Identify as a Giant Robot, or the Redemption of Isabel Fall" by Ela Bambust on her Patreon (free/unlocked article)

-I was briefly very fascinated by Héloïse, also known as Héloïse d'Argenteuil, and her writing + the story around her and Abelard and their letters (also the fact she named their son Astrolabe...) The wikipedia article for her is pretty in-depth with good sources

is the translation of their letters though. Everything is written to sound so intensely emotional- I mean, the things they were experiencing were intensely emotional, but dang.

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cielsosinfel @ 2026-02-24T13:19:00

2026-02-24T21:21:02Z

(a tumblr x-post. i have a handful of library books i've finished recently and want to write up, just been super busy offline.)

i finished reading Uncanny Valley Girls: Essays on Horror, Survival, and Love by Zefyr Lisowski.

It's really good imo. It's essays more in the style of confessional memoir, not academic-style analysis; ymmv on what you want out of essays on film. But I really like how Lisowski weaves her interpretations and histories with certain films (The Ring, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Ginger Snaps, Antichrist, Saint Maud, to name some stand-outs) with her lived experiences as a white trans woman from the US South, in and out of psychiatric treatment, experiences with CSA (particularly CoCSA) and self-harm (this gets really graphic just an fyi), and her intimate-romantic relationships with other traumatized and psychiatrized queer and trans people, particularly other trans women. Also a lengthy essay on Greer Lankton which I thought was very impactful.

It also is a lot about grief- grief for dead loved ones, for family who died before you were born but whose presence permeates your entire life, grief for romantic relationships that had to end and friendships that were lost. She's very honest and forthright about her own struggles to learn boundaries in the process of learning to love herself and her life.

it really is all about love though.

would recommend. Really appreciate this kind of honest writing about grappling with what gets defined as "mental illness" and the psychiatric system and ableism and intimate relationships with other people who are constantly at the brink of a mental breakdown.

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cielsosinfel @ 2026-02-11T11:41:00

2026-02-11T19:45:08Z

Last night I tried my hand at baking a "wacky cake"- a Depression-era cake recipe that foregoes milk and eggs, adds vinegar, and I guess traditionally has all ingredients mixed together right in the baking pan. (I did not do this, I just used a bowl.) Used this Food Network recipe, though there are a ton of others online.

It was very good. I wasn't sure what to expect from the vinegar. I've made a lot of cakes replacing eggs with bananas, but usually using some kind of plant milk. This cake was one of the easiest, moistest cakes I have ever baked though. I did lower the sugar amount... and it still tastes really sweet. I didn't add any frosting, just eating it with a dollop of coconut-milk vanilla ice cream and some cherry jam while it's warm. Would recommend.

Gonna try to make it again but perhaps replace the water with some kind of tea.

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cielsosinfel @ 2026-02-10T13:46:00

2026-02-10T21:50:29Z

I found out via Read Only Memo that an English fan-translation patch was released for Tales of Phantasia X- the (fourth!) iteration of ToP that was only released in Japan as a bonus inclusion to the PSP sequel game. (Which I know 0 about and was not even aware of until this moment.)

It makes some QoL improvements as well as the translation.

I had ToP on GBA and know I restarted it over and over, but never finished it as a child (the undiagnosed ADHD/depression/dissociation blues... idk if I'd fare better now lol). But I remember loving the art and Mint and Cherche. So hopefully I can get around to this at some point.

Hi I'm very sleepy and tired and busy offline!!!

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maybe the real anarchism was the friends we made along the way

2026-02-05T08:08:51Z

I re-read the first two books of Margaret Killjoy's Danielle Cain series- The Lamb Will Slaughter the Lion (2017) and The Barrow Will Send What It May (2018)- over the last couple days.

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reading log (extra belated edition)

2026-01-28T06:45:18Z

These are all books i finished in 2025 and never wrote up anything about. I did make a Tumblr post, which I cross-posted to DW here about how many I managed to finish, just... didn't share my thoughts for most of them. Let's see if I can fling this off without getting long-winded.

CW for references to abuse, CSA, sexual assault

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cielsosinfel @ 2026-01-19T19:39:00

2026-01-20T03:51:57Z

CW: discussion of sexual violence towards women and children; misogynistic language ESPECIALLY aimed at sex workers. You know, just Dworkin things.

(yeah, this isn't fandom or music related at all, sorry for the heavy politics)

Anyway! There's been an unfortunate amount of attempted rehabilitation of Andrea Dworkin's politics among some circles of queer&trans theorists of late, and in my insomniac deep-dives I came across a 2019 article written by a Charlotte Shane for Dissent Magazine, writing about her personal relationship to Dworkin's politics as a sex worker who was introduced to Dworkin as a teen, in response to a book that was released around that time: Last Days at Hot Slit: The Radical Feminism of Andrea Dworkin edited by Johanna Fateman and Amy Scholder. (Supposedly both are critical of Dworkin's politics but I have yet to read this and how they frame the writing being collected.)

I found this article very succinct and well-written. The only thing is, it doesn't mention Dworkin's Zionism at all, which I think is very negligent because her racist framing of the selfhood of Palestinian women and Arab women in general goes hand-in-hand with how she frames the selfhood of sex workers. But! I think I'll be using this article to send to people who are unaware of why I am personally vehemently against positioning Dworkin as in anyway a liberatory theorist whose work should be any kind of meaningful foundation to build a modern trans/queer political theory.

Under the cut is an excerpt of the article, Content Warnings apply:

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just a little fic meme

2026-01-16T22:27:10Z

I have a bunch of other things I want to make posts about (still unsure if I'll try to finish any other Snowflake Challenge posts)... but I'm tired out from offline stuff... and I saw this AO3 meme on another person's journal, so wanted to do it real quick before I head out for the train.

I haven't touched any fic for writing since like, early 2025! I really do want to try to revisit fic writing as a hobby this year. So let's see...

Go to your Works page on AO3, look at the tags, and see what the answers to these questions are. (Or any other site that has tags)

1. What rating do you write most fics under?
Mature! With 7 fics rated M.

2. What are your top 3 fandoms?
龍が如く | Ryuu ga Gotoku | Yakuza (Video Games) (9)
カラオケ行こ！ | Karaoke Iko! | Let's Go Karaoke! (Manga) (2)
Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses (1)

(Listen, I only have 15 finished fics on AO3...)

3. What is your top character you write about?
Majima Goro (from RGG/Yakuza) headlines 8 fics! But the last one I uploaded for RGG was in January 2024.

4. What are the 3 top pairings?
Majima Goro/Sagawa Tsukasa (6)
Narita Kyouji/Oka Satomi (2)
Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd/Claude von Riegan (1)

5. What are the top 3 additional tags?
Character Study (5)
Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con (4)
Dead Dove: Do Not Eat (4)

6. Did any of this surprise you? e.g. what turned out to be your top tag.
Absolutely none of this is a surprise at all lol.

Here is the code for the meme if anyone else is interested (unsure of original source!):

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cielsosinfel @ 2026-01-13T00:34:00

2026-01-13T08:45:38Z

I've been busy offline being sick the entire first full week of 2026 :( I missed THREE CONCERTS! And seeing friends... But I'm feeling better now, hung out with a friend for several hours listening to music, ALSO!

I am not a person who makes frequent use of anything like alcohol or drugs, but I've been wanting to try weed again. My first couple times trying in my mid 20s went horribly (a hit off a friends bong and a hit off a friend's pipe), I think because I had never smoked before and was taking hits off heavy stoner THC-loving friends + was already in a bad place mentally, under-medicated, with much much higher social anxiety than I experience now + empty stomach. So basically both times I freaked OUT, full blown panic attack, horrific migraine. But last year an acquaintance made weed butter and then dog cookies with the weed butter, offered me some to try, and those knocked me OUT in the best way- like, probably too high a dose for me because I felt heavy and like I was sinking slowly through my mattress, but! It felt good! I slept without pain! No panic attacks!

The friend I hung out with today offered last week to let me try her new vape pen with a 1:1:1 mix of THC/CBD/CBG- saying it could help me with my anxiety and panic attacks I've been struggling with since the murder in October (like, I always struggle with but it's just been... bad). I was sick, so I couldn't, but I was reading a lot about CBG since it was a new thing for me. Found a lot of intriguing overviews of its chemical impact on the body and experiences of people who take stimulant meds for ADHD...

So on my way to my friend's place today, I stopped at a dispensary and bought some little 1:1:1 THC/CBD/CBG edible candies to try. And I took one while at her apartment (and she had one too). And it felt... like I wasn't high at all! But all of my symptoms of my Focalin crash were GONE! It was so nice and it crept up on me so slowly. I take Focalin for ADHD in the morning anywhere from 8am to 12pm, and by 4pm through 6pm I'm "crashing," though that word sounds too strong- I get sleepy, my brain runs slower, I get confused more easily, my social anxiety starts to creep back in, basically what you'd expect. But one of these edibles just made me feel almost like I'd freshly taken my Focalin dose, WITH a full stomach full of protein-and-fat heavy meal (very hard to manage in the morning before my ADHD med). And it lasted from like, 6pm through 10pm?

And all without making me feel high, like no weird perception-altering sensations or sedating quality to the experience at all.

It's so nice lmao. My ADHD med does so much for me but the fact it wears off just around the time I am going to be most social with friends or at parties/concerts has been a major source of stress for me- and especially with how sensitive I am mentally after the murder and a bunch of other stress... I'm glad I got over my fear of more marijuana-induced panic attacks to experiment and hit gold like immediately.

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books! of 2025!

2026-01-13T08:24:36Z

(I'm copying over the 12/31/2025 Tumblr post I made about favorite 2025 reads:)

I finished one final book for 2025 todaaaaaay

According to my completed-books log I keep on my public library account, I have managed to finish 41 books. (This isn't counting things not on the public library catalogue, or like, zines I have read this year cus I read a lot of book-length zines)

I think my favorites are definitely:

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(And under the next cut is a separate Tumblr post where I talk about Siken's latest poetry collection):

( Read more... )

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Supporting Venezuela during US invasion/occupation

2026-01-03T23:49:19Z

These are resources I've been recommended, so I am sharing them here.

La Cruz Roja Venezolana / Venezuelan Red Cross

Doctors Without Borders

Save The Children's ongoing general campaign for Venezuelan youth

World Central Kitchen

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Snowflake Challenge 2026 #1

2026-01-02T08:26:03Z

Happy New Year!!!!!!!! I hope it's as calm and peaceful as it can possibly be for everyone out there; I am feeling pretty good despite the ongoing political horrors and horrible life-upheaval I will be facing this year due to said political horrors. I've spent every day this week among friends, feeling productive, keeping calm. Playing lots of pool. I think that's all I can ask for at the start of a new year.

Also: It's time for another Snowflake challenge...! I don't think I ever finished the 2025 one. I have a bunch of other things I want to post here but I am super tired, I'm gonna be super busy offline for the next 6 days, so I'll just get this out of the way.

The Icebreaker Challenge: Introduce yourself. Tell us why you're doing the challenge, and what you hope to gain from it.

My name is Rue! I'm in my 30s, a fagdyke (he/him only pls) resident of the Pacific Northwest, and I have an intro sticky here with a bit more of my fandom history for anyone curious. I actually fell kind of hard out of fandom in 2025, due to my offline social life becoming significantly busier (in a mostly very good way). I'd really like to rekindle some of that fannish creative spark in my heart this year though, and get back to engaging in a fannish way with others, if not manage to direct some of my limited energy into writing fanfic again. I have... so many WIPs... literally 30+ WIPs (mostly Yakuza Sagamaji fics + some BG3 fics focused on Raphael+Hope+Korrilla, and a handful of Dishonored and Karaoke Iko/Famires Iko fics...), and even more if we count fics that are mostly in the bullet-point notes/disjointed collection of unconnected lines/scenes/dialogue. Kind of hoping that keeping up with this challenge will help with that! If nothing else, though, it will push me to update this journal regularly for a little while, at least.

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cielsosinfel @ 2025-12-27T00:51:00

2025-12-27T09:03:45Z

I just went back through my journal, adding and editing tags to make my organization system on here more... well, organized. Went all the way back to February 24, 2024, when I made my sticky'd intro post as I was trying to use this more, actually follow and interact with others. And it was kind of wild to see my posts about day-to-day life stuff leading back there and just how... different it all is now.

The last few months have been extremely rough. There have been rough patches throughout this whole year, but especially the last four. But I have such amazing friends in my life now. I had an AMAZING week this week because of my amazing friends. And I did NOT have these friendships before Summer 2025. Like, I knew multiple of the people I now consider close friends- but not as friends. My 2024 self never could have imagined what relationships were going to develop between February 2024 and now. Status quo for most of my life has been loneliness and isolation, agoraphobia and assuming there is never a possibility of closeness with others, so not even attempting to reach out and shutting out anyone who tries.

But now here we are. Wild stuff.

What is also apparent, though, is as my offline social life improves and becomes so much busier (and I play soooooo much fucking pool and go to soooooo many fucking concerts)... it is much harder for me to keep up with, or even really care, about participating in fanfic as a hobby. I still have my media interests, the games I love playing, the movies I love watching, I still enjoy discussing with friends on Discord and reading others' meta, but I can't find a single hint of a fanfic-writing spark in me. I don't even read fanfic anymore, haven't in... god, since Summer of this year surely. When my social life started to pick up!

It's weird because online fandom has always been one of those sole constants in my life, since I was in 5th/6th grade. I was so isolated as a child for so many reasons; I was so isolated in my 20s for so many reasons. Even when I had years-long stretches of having no close associations with anyone offline, I'd have my fandom friendships. I'd have fanfiction to read and connect with others over. I'd have fanfiction to write, if not finish, and share and make connections through. It would not be inaccurate to say that turning my favorite characters and ships over in my mind, brainstorming all sorts of scenarios to possibly write, could go into the realm of maladaptive daydreaming as a form to escape how abysmally suicidal my life made me. It would not be inaccurate to say fandom and fanfiction were the only things keeping me alive, keeping me connected to other human beings, for a significant, SIGNIFICANT chunk of my existence.

It feels weird to not be interested in being that involved anymore. And it's not because of depression- because I have had long periods of even online isolation and being unable to think about fanfic because of horrific depressive episodes- but it's not that. It's just, my heart and mind are so full of other things involving all of these friends, all of these offline social events I take part in, and I guess I just cannot make space for fanfiction amidst all of this. Is it all or nothing? Is it just a matter of needing time for my brain to be able to hold that urge to write thousands of words to get out my feelings regarding a game or book? I still draw fanart... I still needle felt... it's not a total cessation of creative urge and passion.

Guess this is navel-gazing, it's just weird to realize, oh yeah, my #1 favorite hobby for years and main way of socializating with other human beings is no longer a central pillar of my life and sanity, and it's not because of my insanity itself. It's just life is really good right now in so many other ways and fanfiction has to wait on the side for a little bit (almost a year?), I guess.

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Sagamaji and Shimamaji fic recs circa 11/21/22

2025-12-21T19:15:22Z

(Originally posted 11/21/22 on Tumblr here)

(NOTE: COPYING THE TUMBLR POST OVER TO DREAMWIDTH FUCKED UP THE FORMATTING... I'll try to fix it later)

I like making fic rec lists, and I figure I should make one for my current OTP/OTP-in-law. (I’ve been wanting to, but posting long threads on Twitter gives me hives.)

I love these ships so much... I want to spread the love...

I will put a warning for any Main Archive Tags in the fics (a lot of them will have a Rape/Non-Con or Choose Not To Warn/CNTW tag), and I’ll mention other ships, but otherwise not going to bother with CWs since they’ll all be in the fic tags.
( Read more... )

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585 recs circa 1/24/21

2025-12-21T19:09:43Z

(Originally posted on 1/24/21 on Tumblr here)

585 fic recs

hello, i’ve fallen fully down the Saiyuki nostalgia rabbit hole the past two weeks and even though it’s been 10+ years since i touched or really thought about this series/fandom, i still deeply love Hakkai/Gojyo; there is just so much to the relationship they have with one another that obliterates me with the force of a dying star and it’s all come rushing back since re-reading. and i ended up reading through the AO3 tag for them from start to finish, as you do.

so here’s a rec list of all my fav 585 fics that i’ve recently read through! hope anyone who happens to look through sees something they enjoy.

(I’ve marked any fics tagged with the “Major Character Death” or “Choose Not To Use Archive Warnings [CNTW]” tags; none of the other Big Four Archive Warnings come up in the fic listed. I don’t note any other tags or content warnings. Some of these mention Kanan/Gonou or Tenpou/Kenren but not really any other side pairings.)

So Little, So Much by Lady_Ganesh [ E / 3.3k ]

"So," Gojyo said. "When the fuck were you going to tell me? Were you gonna wait until I'd killed somebody?" Spoilers following Shot 4 of Saiyuki Reload Blast, with speculation for February 2015's Zero-Sum chapter.

The Happy Pig by emungere [ E / CNTW / 16.9k ]

An AU in which Gojyo and Hakkai don't meet until much, much later.

Wherever I Find Myself by louise_lux [ E / CNTW / 5.7k ]

"This place is a dump," Gojyo said, looking around.

"It'll take a lot of cleaning," Hakkai said. "I like it."

Ne me Quitte Pas by louise_lux [ series / M/E / CNTW / 13.6k ]

After the journey is over, Hakkai leaves. Gojyo has to work out what to do next.

This Time by EnchantedRhea [ M / CNTW / 3.2k ]

Gojyo remembers, even if he doesn't realize it.

Shot Through the Heart by sonnets_and_snowdrops [M / CNTW / 1.4k]

in which Hakkai tends to Gojyo's gunshot wound and stews a bit about the whole Chin Yisou shindig, and in which Gojyo makes a fever-induced confession or two.

Tomorrow and Tomorrow by devera [M / Major Character Death / 1.4k]

Hakkai makes a choice.

a rainy night, just like any other by izayoi_no_mikoto [ T / CNTW / 748 ]

On those dark, rainy nights, Gojyo can do nothing but be there.

and other metaphors by writingg [ T / CNTW / 531 ]

Something has to bend before Hakkai breaks.

Red As by springgreen [ T / CNTW / 1.1k ]

It's hard now to think that he's spent thousands and thousands of seconds not touching Gojyo before this, and that he had been all right.

The Old House by theskywasblue [ G / 712 ]

Gojyo had thought they'd be back home within the year.

(original Tumblr tags: #theres more fic i considered putting but itd just be repeats of authors#im so glad so many people uploaded their older work to ao3 because i saw that a bunch of lj comms and journals were purged#and fandom archive sites down#the constant painful reminder that the internet is as impermanent as every other aspect of life#ao3 didnt even exist when i stopped following saiyuki/fandom wtf#also can you tell i'm obsessed with fics that are all about domesticity and the comfortable intimacy in a relationship lol#these two are so perfect for domestic fic whether its pre-journey trying to figure out how living together works#and realizing just how much they like how they live together#or post journey when they've both grown and changed so much with one another... aaa theyre good)

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cielsosinfel @ 2025-12-19T15:07:00

2025-12-19T23:26:07Z

Some thoughts on movies I've watched recently-ish:

I rewatched Bound (1996, Wachowski Sisters) for the first time in years last week. Still such a perfect, perfect movie. It's shocking to be reminded that it was the Wachowskis' directorial debut, because it seems so skillfully crafted- from the pacing to the cinematography. There are some VERY lovely shots making the most use possible of framing, color palette and lighting. I loved how Violet and Corky working out their con alternates with scenes of them actively going through each step being discussed; a lot of times I feel like when films do this kind of mixing up scenes of present-future, it gets confusing very fast, but it works super well here. Corky and Violet's relationship with one another is still one of the sexiest ever. I appreciate that the violence toward either of them never feels gratuitous, and never lasts overly long- definitely not as long as that initial first-time sex scene between them. Also, Corky wearing her lock-picking kit in all of the piercings along her ear lobe: height of sexy butch looks.

All of the actors are SO compelling, but ngl especially Tilly as Violet and Pantoliano as Caesar lmao.

I kind of wish I had remembered less of the movie than I did, because the way it plays with genre expectations and tropes to leave the viewer constantly unsure where twists will lead our protagonists next is so fun.

I saw some of Tootsie (1982, Pollack) while at the pub on Monday night, playing pool by myself. Since this was a pub, I couldn't quite hear everything being said, and there were no subtitles/CC, though, I was the only person playing pool while the rest of the bar was genuinely absorbed in the film, up until the very end around 10pm when college kids started to stream in, so it was not NOISY noisy. I did leave when the crowds started to swell + the ending was just kind of ughhhhghgh

The whole move is ughhhghghghhghgh

but somehow still compelling?

( cut for discussions of transmisogynistic tropes and vague mentions of sexual assault+threats of violence )

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Story of Seasons: A Wonderful Life - Wonders guides

2025-12-19T00:31:16Z

This information is extremely scattered around the internet, so I'm saving it here. (Not even the Ushi no Tane page has this infoooooooooo)

( All 88 wonders )

( All wonders with cutscenes + how to get them )

Reading spoilers, apparently collecting the wonders doesn't actually do anything and you still never meet the Harvest Goddess in this game... super disappointing!!!

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Hail the blest atomic morn / Unto the earth a bomb is born

2025-12-18T20:43:35Z

I've been trying to use onlyartemisia more to save bits of things I read. I don't really know how to handle spoilers for fiction novels, though- so just warning if you are trying to read Black Flame by Gretchen Felker-Martin without spoilers, I guess. I'm also not really using Content Warnings here but will be posting excerpts of writing about interpersonal violence, child abuse and sexual abuse, so just a PSA.

I have a bunch of posts I want to finish for here, mainly recollecting live music I've seen in the last month, before my memory completely dissolves. I have some posts from... November... unfinished. Life has been so busy offline. I'm VERY behind on Christmas and Hanukkah and end-of-year cards getting delivered!!! Aaaaaaaaa!!

And I'm swamped by medical appointments. I have to be screened for two types of cancer; tomorrow is a breast ultrasound, and then the only endoscopy appointment with anesthesia was for March of next year. So... fingers crossed a sooner appt opens before then lol.

Finally seeing an endocrinologist to restart testosterone in January though- and hopefully they do not fuck things up and I actually start simultaneous estradiol-testosterone HRT in 2026.

I started to play Story of Seasons: A Wonderful Life while I was having a pretty downer day (Undertale on the backburner, I need something besides bullet hell), and it's really soothing to play. I wrote a longer tumblr post here, mostly about my childhood love for Cecelia lmao. But also, damn, I had way more patience as a kid for repetitive gameplay. As long as I play it in short bursts with breaks to do other things, it doesn't weigh me down too much. I really wanted to try to marry Celia since she was my childhood fav, but... Muffy (Molly??) is kinda calling to me now...

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